Job Seekers Take Note....

Congratulations to the 7% of job seekers out there in the world. You are the proud, the few, the competent. To the rest of you I say, good luck. Having gone through another round of hiring for my company, I am terrified by the current crop of individuals that may or may not be graduating from either high school or college. The 93% percent of you are in trouble which likely means we're all in trouble. So if you jackasses looking for jobs can read and want some advice, please see following tips that could give you a leg up on your next application/interview:

1. Never wear blue jeans covered with the frosted outline of marijuana leaves to any prospective employer's place of business. You might as well be smoking a joint.
2. If you don't have a phone of any kind, leaving your ex-wife's number is probably not a good idea. She might not be aware that you are seeking employment and I do not want to talk to her about your lazy ass being behind on child support payments. Be a man and take care of your kids you shitass.
3. A misdemeanor or felony will not necessarily disqualify you from employment. However, advising me that you will soon be a "Guest of the State" will.
   
4. Part-time employees only get one kind of vacation...permanent vacation when they don't show up for work.
5. If you have a problem with $7.25 and hour, then sell your brand new Chrysler 300M or go work somewhere else.
6. When negotitating a job offer for manager-in-training, it is generally considered inappropriate to ask for ownership in the company.
   
7. Financial statements, by and large, are not shared with employees, let alone applicants. Kindly do not ask for copies.
   
8. I'll tell you when you will be scheduled for a shift.
9. If you are 18 years of age or older, you do not need your mother to accompany you to the interview and answer questions for you unless you are a deaf-mute.
10. DO NOT ANSWER YOUR GODDAMN CELLPHONE

Just some friendly advice so you can take it for what it is worth. Good luck in your job search, morons.